.

I cry because it hurts.

Day @ Work

Customers at a certain food shop along a certain road that I happen work in might have gotten their taste buds in for something new, something different today.

It was a busy, busy morning at work. I was on the move nonstop up till the end of my shift, 4 hours later. As I was prepping the food, I realized a bright red hue on my finger in a glance. I disregarded it as a piece of chili that stuck onto my finger and continued prepping. I realized soon after that it looked too bright red to be chili and took a closer look and realized it was watery. Without much thought, I classified it to be chili sauce. Wiped it away.

As I was walking around the shop completing tasks that ought to be done before my bosses come in, I thought to myself, "Hey, I didn't prepare anything that required chili sauce."

O.o

I took another look at the watery, red substance that continuously appeared on my finger - even after wiping it off. Took a while for my identification/recognition/classification department in my brain to register that the substance on my finger was actually blood.

Woohoo.

Imagine the customers having a taste of human blood in their food. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I'm really sorry. I didn't know I was actually bleeding a lot, that it actually dripped. HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

:D

With Hope

A difficult, different beginning of the new year. 15 days on and my family was hit with heartbreaking news.

Thanks for all the prayers, the comforting words, messages, encouragements, bible verses, support, and mere presence. My dear Uncle Philip has gone to be with the Lord on 15.01.10.


I will always remember him as someone who loved food. And I mean LOOOOOOOOOVE FOOD. He knew of almost every awesome food there is to know. Never forgetting that he introduced my cousins and I to "sup kambing" eaten with a ton of pepper. YUM.
The only unmarried uncle, he used to bring us (my cousins and I) to the waterfalls somewhere in Taiping. That was when we were very, very young. That was when he hadn't fallen sick.
He drove fast cars.. or more like he drove cars fast. Swerving between lanes to overtake. Oh, I'll never forget how he almost "choked" my cousin, J, when J stuck his head outta the sunroof while my uncle drove super fast and there was an oncoming truck and my cousins and I were all screaming and yelling due to the adrenaline rush as the sunroof began to close on him. Then, we laughed about it.

He was as crazy as he could be. Then, his diabetes became worse. He was blinded for a while. He had gangrene and his toes had to be removed. He lost a lot of weight. The last I saw him, it was 2 years ago. Then, his condition suddenly worsened. Kidney stones. Bleeding liver.

When my dad first texted me to pray for him, I got 2 other texts from my cousins. Something felt wrong. Yet, I felt peace. Intense sadness and peace. In desperation, I prayed and asked God to heal him and make him whole again. By God's infinite grace, he did. God knew my uncle wouldn't have a comfortable life even if he survived this operation. God knew he would be better in a place where no hurt, no sicknesses, no pain would be found. God is good.

I thank You God for salvation upon my uncle. He may have had ups and downs in his walk but THANK YOU God for bringing him back to You in time.

I can only ask for you to pray with my family for salvation, comfort, hope, and peace for the unbelieving. THANK YOU. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you.

This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you've gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but ...

We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
'Cause we believe with hope
(There's a place by God's grace)
There's a place where we'll see your face again
We'll see your face again

And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God's plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father's smile and say well done
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
'Cause now you're home
And now you're free, and ...

We have this hope as an anchor
'Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true, so ...

We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope

With Hope, Steven Curtis Chapman

p/s: I miss Chinese New Year with the family :'( the whole family.

2010

3 months untouched. Sorry fellow readers, who probably gave up on reading this, for the absence. So much has been happening. Info overload. Brain meltdown.

Beginning of the new year and I have ONE MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR EPICALLY MAJOR request to ask you guys to do with me now.

PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE, PLEASE pray for my 5th uncle (aka Uncle Phillip). Underwent a major liver operation yesterday because of a bleeding liver. Now still in critical condition because of low blood pressure. Currently in the ICU relying heavily on support. Docs said they did their best. Now, we need a divine intervention, a miracle. Healing. Pleaaaaaaaaaase, please pray with me on this.

Faith required. Prayers needed.

Thank you.

EMOTIONALLY DRAINED.

.

I'm tired of myself. I'm frustrated. I'm disappointed in myself. Of all things. I let the worst get the best out of me.

I was given a slice of humble pie today. By my Jesus. When everything was dandy-candy-bandy, I let pride seep in. Faced with difficulties, hardships - what did I do? Rely on my pride. My ego. It was ALL ME. When every thing I did came crumbling down, every lil' thing agitated me.

Then, I finally heard Him speak, "Why didn't you rely on Me? Where was I?"

When I reflected, I was humiliated. How could I let something like this slip my mind? How could I be so caught up with myself?

Lord, without You, I am nothing. Forgive me. I just need more of You and less of me.

On a day like this I want to crawl beneath a rock
A million miles from the world, the noise, the commotion
That never seems to stop

And on a day like this I want to run away from the routine
Run away from the daily grind that can suck the life
Right out of me
I only know of one place I can run to

I want to hide in You
The Way, the Life, the Truth
So I can disappear
And love is all there is to see
Coming out of me
And You become clear
As I disappear

I don't want to care about earthly things
Be caught up in all the lies that trick my eyes
They say it's all about me
I'm so tired of it being about me

I would rather be cast away
Separated from the human race
If I don't bring You glory
If I don't bring You glory
If I don't bring You glory
- Bebo Norman, Disappear

WHY DO I DO SUCH THINGS?

Sigh. I'm hungry. WHY DO I PURPOSELY TEMPT MYSELF?
*drool*

You know you've [really] grown up when...

...you prefer classical to heavy metal*

...you don't go to funfairs anymore, and it doesn't bother you

...you hear your friends complain about work instead of uni

...you get more wedding invites than the usual, "HI, PLEASE COME FOR MY 18th/21st BIRTHDAY"

...your peers buy houses instead of cars

...you sit down and wonder where all the time has gone (and why time passes by so quickly)

...you value people more because time is of the essence**

:)

DISCLAIMER:
*In general. Yet, it depends
** It depends. Sometimes people don't have time for people when they're busy toiling for money. Yet, they only truly value people when they realize they don't have much time left. Then again, it depends :)

How to Fake Smile 101

How does one smile with 5 major assignments due within these 4 weeks, 17 runs of experiments left - 9 hours more to finish within 2 weeks, experiment drafts to draw up, group meetings to go to, lectures to catch up on, infinite readings to complete, and 20 hours of work per week?

How does one smile when stress is so overwhelming?

How does one smile when all around, people furrow their brows and sigh?

How does one smile when no one else is smiling, or can even smile for that matter?

How does one smile when one doesn't know where one would end up in the NEAR future?

How does one smile when one feels an aching in one's heart for reasons inexpressible?

How does one smile when one doesn't feel like it?

Fake smiling? Not my forte.

I feel like drawing a mind map. For no reason. Rawr. Then jumping off my balcony. Rawr.

Perseverance

God answers prayers. When you least expect. Even if the answer is just a 'Yes', 'No', or 'Be patient'. Even if it's just a simple question.

He knew I had this "thing" about work which I always wondered and was distressed about. And He answered it, after 2 weeks.

We cannot comprehend how God works. But He'll do what He's promised. I just need to do my part now. Yes, now.

⁹But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Cor. 12:9-10