EMOTIONALLY DRAINED.

.

I'm tired of myself. I'm frustrated. I'm disappointed in myself. Of all things. I let the worst get the best out of me.

I was given a slice of humble pie today. By my Jesus. When everything was dandy-candy-bandy, I let pride seep in. Faced with difficulties, hardships - what did I do? Rely on my pride. My ego. It was ALL ME. When every thing I did came crumbling down, every lil' thing agitated me.

Then, I finally heard Him speak, "Why didn't you rely on Me? Where was I?"

When I reflected, I was humiliated. How could I let something like this slip my mind? How could I be so caught up with myself?

Lord, without You, I am nothing. Forgive me. I just need more of You and less of me.

On a day like this I want to crawl beneath a rock
A million miles from the world, the noise, the commotion
That never seems to stop

And on a day like this I want to run away from the routine
Run away from the daily grind that can suck the life
Right out of me
I only know of one place I can run to

I want to hide in You
The Way, the Life, the Truth
So I can disappear
And love is all there is to see
Coming out of me
And You become clear
As I disappear

I don't want to care about earthly things
Be caught up in all the lies that trick my eyes
They say it's all about me
I'm so tired of it being about me

I would rather be cast away
Separated from the human race
If I don't bring You glory
If I don't bring You glory
If I don't bring You glory
- Bebo Norman, Disappear

WHY DO I DO SUCH THINGS?

Sigh. I'm hungry. WHY DO I PURPOSELY TEMPT MYSELF?
*drool*

You know you've [really] grown up when...

...you prefer classical to heavy metal*

...you don't go to funfairs anymore, and it doesn't bother you

...you hear your friends complain about work instead of uni

...you get more wedding invites than the usual, "HI, PLEASE COME FOR MY 18th/21st BIRTHDAY"

...your peers buy houses instead of cars

...you sit down and wonder where all the time has gone (and why time passes by so quickly)

...you value people more because time is of the essence**

:)

DISCLAIMER:
*In general. Yet, it depends
** It depends. Sometimes people don't have time for people when they're busy toiling for money. Yet, they only truly value people when they realize they don't have much time left. Then again, it depends :)

How to Fake Smile 101

How does one smile with 5 major assignments due within these 4 weeks, 17 runs of experiments left - 9 hours more to finish within 2 weeks, experiment drafts to draw up, group meetings to go to, lectures to catch up on, infinite readings to complete, and 20 hours of work per week?

How does one smile when stress is so overwhelming?

How does one smile when all around, people furrow their brows and sigh?

How does one smile when no one else is smiling, or can even smile for that matter?

How does one smile when one doesn't know where one would end up in the NEAR future?

How does one smile when one feels an aching in one's heart for reasons inexpressible?

How does one smile when one doesn't feel like it?

Fake smiling? Not my forte.

I feel like drawing a mind map. For no reason. Rawr. Then jumping off my balcony. Rawr.

Perseverance

God answers prayers. When you least expect. Even if the answer is just a 'Yes', 'No', or 'Be patient'. Even if it's just a simple question.

He knew I had this "thing" about work which I always wondered and was distressed about. And He answered it, after 2 weeks.

We cannot comprehend how God works. But He'll do what He's promised. I just need to do my part now. Yes, now.

⁹But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Cor. 12:9-10

.

Stress woke me up before 8am today. When I only had so lil' sleep last night. Then, my mind was bombarded with "what are you doing?" "get out of bed!" "you have to do this, this, and this" "but you have to finish that, that, and that first" "you don't have time" "what are you doing?!?!" "omygoshhhhhhhh"

Seriously.

Deep breath, deep breath.

"Life will at times be difficult, often it is painful, and for now it is imperfect. But still it is good for in all these things nothing can separate us from God's lavish expressions of love (Rom. 8:39)

God's grace is immeasurable; His mercy inexhaustible; His peace inexpressible."


Deep breath.

In overtime?

I am restless. No kidding.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm tired.

I'm in dire need of peace.

Oh God, please?

I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Just say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
Find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

And everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows
She's on your mind
Everyone knows I'm in over my head
I'm in over my head
I'm in over...

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

- The Fray

Mission accomplished

YAYS. DRAFTS IN MY BLOG FINALLY DONE :) :) :)

Of ice skating and life

Of life in thought

Of Passion Camp 2009

Hour 19 of the 40 Hour Famine

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case ...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case ...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view
If no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case ...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace ...

But, Jesus, would You please ...

- Nichole Nordeman